And just like that, we’re down to our last remaining embryo. The expression “don’t put your eggs all into one basket” couldn’t apply more, as all of our efforts are now laser-focused on this last little embie and upcoming transfer – and the pressure is on!
Part of me can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of frustration. I knew that IVF would be a rough journey, but I did not expect it to culminate into this one, dramatic “high-stakes” shot at pregnancy. To think there was a time that I actually assumed my three, hard-won embryos would manifest into three healthy babies; it seems ridiculous now! If we can get one viable pregnancy out of this last remaining embryo I will feel beyond blessed. It’s funny how the bar seems to be getting lower and lower as we move forward.
Speaking of lowering the bar, this last embryo is also our lowest grade. Our doctor has assured us that grades don’t matter as much since this embryo was PGS tested and found to be chromosomally normal – but I can’t help at bulk at the fact that its grade – a 2CC – is markedly lower than our other two embryos, at 4BB and 4AA respectively.
On account of all of this, I’m pulling out all the stops for this upcoming transfer. After speaking with my doctor, we have decided to do a medicated transfer, which means that my natural cycle will be commandeered by the use of drugs – primarily Estrogen, Lupron, and Progesterone – to prepare the endometrium for implantation. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve wanted to do a medicated transfer from the beginning. Although it’s more work and financial commitment, it seems almost silly to count on my “natural systems” now after everything else has been so strictly controlled via medications and rigorous monitoring.
Well, after two failed natural transfers, I’m finally getting my wish. In addition to the medications, I’ve also committed to the following:
- Acupuncture 2x a week
- No caffeine
- No refined sugar, gluten or dairy
- Walking 5x a week (this has replaced my regular workouts, which are high-intensity circuit training + cardio. Although I maintained these for the first two transfers, I wanted to switch to something less intense for this final transfer).
I’m also focusing on getting as much sleep as possible, working from home when I need to, drinking tons of water, taking all my vitamins, and maintaining my nightly injections and estrogen patches. I really feel good and I really feel ready and by god I hope that’s enough
I have to admit that after our back-to-back fails, it took a lot of emotional energy to get into the right headspace to prepare for transfer again. And it’s taken four weeks to feel like I could even write again. It’s really fucking hard to continue to get back on that horse after being knocked off twice. The fact that my friends are getting pregnant all around me makes it even harder. The fact that we are now down to our LAST (and weakest) embryo makes it kind of a nightmare. But nevertheless, I will persist…because in the end, what else can ya do?